Rant Before Work

There are a few things I know for certain. I know that I have recurring states of being. This is what I know:
1) I frequently have the wanderlust. Often I want to escape where I am- I need to physically remove myself from a place to find peace and readjust. Often this means I want to go to Santa Fe (if I am in Ithaca), some other random spot in the mountains, or some random spot on earth that I am intrigued by at the moment.
2) I hate buses. This is a given. They suck. They are uncomfortable. The people bug me. I lose things. I can’t get up to move around. Trains are my preferred form of transportation.
3) People piss me off. They just do. Sometimes they are okay, but a good chunk of the time I find them pitifully petty, dull, immature, etc.
4) I love children. They are the group of people that give me the most hope and also the largest group that loves me- ha- that explains a lot.
5) I don’t believe in love. (What I mean by this is deep down I do but I am just really bitter about it and don’t believe it will ever work for me even though I really hope it does- I just *sigh* don’t believe it will ever fully happen to me).
6) I often divide my world between the world and boys. I realize the stupidity of this and know (not just deep down but on the surface) that the world will always win out. Only if the two are compatible- if the boy is in love with the world as much as I am that anything could ever really work.
7) I am a moody person. I have mellowed out upon coming to college. Just ask my mother and siblings about how I resemble Anne of Green Gables.
8) I am a horrible pet and plant owner- I am a much better art owner. I have trouble caring for myself so how can I take time to repot a basil plant.
9) I love mountains. Some people adore the ocean, some feel at home in the city, I require the mountains.
10) I feel guilty on a regular basis. My counselor tried to help me with this. I have relapses, but not so bad.
11) There are things I have forgotten about myself but occasionally remember. Such as, I used to Irish dance, I was diagnosed with OCD, Depression, and anxiety, I have had many counselors- and tend to get along really well with other counselor/ex-counselor goers. i.e. Nate, like myself collects counselor cards.
12) I love my family to the utmost extreme.
13) I have regular moments of self hate.
14) I just want to pause life right now and take a breather.
15) The world is often the only thing that really keeps me going in a happy state.

So...I've come to terms with my peace obsession

Cate Avery, Nikola, and myself at the Student Peace Alliance Conference

Peace. That is my issue. Some people work for money, some people work for a better environment, some people work to end crime, I work for peace. The question is, what is peace? The word itself is a lot like love, it can mean many things to many different people- it can be the absence of conflict, it can exist as harmony, it can refer to the inner contentment one feels within oneself. To me, although I believe the manifestion of this word should be on all levels, within oneself, within the family, within the community, and within the world, the peace I have always focused on is ubuntu- humanity towards others, compassion, getting along.

As most of you know (if you do, this is for my benefit, if you do not, this is also for you)- I consider myself a smorgasbord of varying ethnicities, religions, politics, and lifestyles. I call myself a mestiza- yes, I am one of those people who checks the “other” box on exams and on the census forms. I am Spanish (via the conquistadors in Spain coming to New Mexico in the 16th century), Mexican (my grandmother was born there), French, Italian, Swiss-German and Ute. People never know what I am- southeast Asian, East Indian, Middle Eastern, Hispanic, etc. etc. I have a Japanese aunt, a Tzotzil uncle, an African-American pseudo adopted brother- people who cover a good portion of the color spectrum. I also had the religious realm partially covered with Shinto, Buddhist, Atheist, Christian, Catholic, Jewish, Wiccan, Muslim, and Native American belief systems that belonged to my family and friends. They taught me why they believed a certain way and even when I did not necessarily agree with them, I saw where they were coming from.

I grew up with a conservative father and a liberal mother. I was surrounded by cowboys and hippies. I was brought up singing Cattle Call and going on cattle drives in southern Colorado and going to Farmer’s markets and going contra dancing in Santa Fe. I am a child of both worlds brought up presented with both sides of most arguments, not necessarily from my immediate family, but from my towns on global warming, abortion, teen pregnancy, animal rights, gay rights, and so on.

Thus, it baffles me that people hang out mostly with others who look like them. It baffles me that people do not try to see the other side of arguments. I admit, there are often sides that I tend to agree with more than others, but even if I argue against the other side, I can understand where they are coming from. I think this is the biggest step towards creating peace between people- by getting them to heed Antoine de Saint-Exupéry: “Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” If we are able to see where the others perspective fits into the world and what life circumstances led them to that point, if we are able to see him or her as a human being rather than an argument, then we are allowed to love the other unconditionally, which leads us to humanity. Humanity is one of the roots of the tree of peace.

Saying this, briefly what life situations have led me to believe in peace, what my opinion of peace is, and showing how peace can be created leads me to how this relates to my project. I believe that to create harmony between youth in the school system- each person needs to first of all love himself/herself, understand why they believe what they do, attempt to follow another’s path and see where the other is coming from, and as such- even if they agree to disagree, if they have an unconditional love for the other- peace will have a grasp on the individual. Perhaps this sounds idealistic or simplistic, these are just ponderings, I’m still trying to sort it all out.

Moving on, I absolutely must speak about my weekend last weekend. I realize the type of people I like to surround myself. I realize I am slightly obsessed with Peace (especially PeaceJam) but it’s okay because other people are too, and it allowed me to reunderstand myself and where I have come from. The thing that distresses me is that while I am most myself when surrounded by advocates of peace, universal love, (I supposed you could say activist hippies), when I return to places like Cornell, I tend to detatch from my truth on the surface because so many people do not understand this belief system. Another issue I have, is that around these people, and the people I associate with in Santa Fe, diversity issues are often surpassed because for the most part we all advocate for justice on the part of the oppressed. Here (meaning Cornell), there is such a difference of opinions, that I feel the constant need to defend race, those with disabilities, people with different sexual orientations and identities, etc. that I fear I tend to come off over-opinionated, idealistic, ignorant, and for lack of a better word- bitchy. It upsets me, it’s a constant battle.

Anyway, returning to the Peace Alliance Conference. It was incredible. This organization is working to create a US Department of Peace which would focus on proactive methods of preventing violence on a domestic and international level. Domestically it would work at preventing domestic and sexual abuse, gang violence and would be present in the schools teaching children methods of self-discipline, conflict resolution, and more. Internationally, it would work with the US military to prevent wars by exploring peaceful means of dialogue rather than taking a leap into killing.

I heard an extraordinary speaker named Juan Pacheco who used to be in a gang. He came from El Salvador when he was young and joined a gang because of the lack of options in his neighborhood. His parents were immigrants to this country in order for their children to have a better life. He went to jail several times and now he works with Barrios Unidos as a Peace Warrior to speak to youth in gangs and try to get them to leave. He’s also working on getting on a medical degree so he can be a pediatrician. He said the thing that made a difference for him was having someone who cared and who believed in him. Faith in a person who has pretty much given up on themself, faith that they can change, and the offering of love can make a difference. It was wonderful meeting him and connecting with him because if I do work domestically, I would want to work with youth in troubled situations- particularly with gangs.

Speaking of which, the youth director of PeaceJam Northeast was present at this conference and he informed me that I should apply to be a Americorp volunteer after I graduate and work with them. That could be incredibly fun. One of my PeaceJam friends and I discussed this and thought that if we both did it, we would want to work on bringing the PeaceJam Peace Warriors curriculum to the Northeast. This program focuses on youth in the Juvenile Justice System which we both have an interest in. Yay- exciting!

Now, one of the main reasons I went to the conference was to hear Arun Gandhi- the grandson of Mahatma Gandhi, speak. He was wonderful! He founded the M.K. Gandhi Institute for Non-Violence which is only in Rochester, NY. This is particularly exciting because it is close by and PeaceJam is planning on partnering with them, especially here in the Northeast- in NY. I really would like to bring PeaceJam to Ithaca, and help it expand in NY. I’m ridiculously passionate about it, and this past weekend confirmed it. I am PeaceJam CRAZY!

However, the highlight of the weekend was Betty Williams. I’m madly in love with her. In fact, it briefly crossed my mind that I should be her for Halloween. Betty Williams is an extraordinary woman who won the peace prize in the ‘70s for helping to create dialogue between Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland. Now, she is working with her organization World Centers of Compassion for Children International which is creating a village on the coast of Italy for children of conflict. Children could be taken out of war zones and live here. In the future, she plans to create these villages around the world so youth can still live within their culture. The interesting thing is that the village is created according to the architecture of the country. I think it’s an interesting idea and in the future I plan on helping out in this cause in some way- probably by working in one of these mini-cities. Betty Williams called a special audience with PeaceJammers at the conference (about 7 out of 300 people). We were all ecstatic! We had butterflies in our stomach and couldn’t breathe. I’m saying we because we all talked about it later (we all meaning my friend Cate, one of my PeaceJam kids- Rachel, and her friend Justin, and obviously myself). We walked into the room, hugged her, and talked to her. There is so much more I could say about Ms. Williams but the one word to describe her is inspiring. She is passionate, articulate, and a fascinating individual. Perhaps in the future, I will have the pleasure of working with her.

Thus I conclude my weekly reflection: I explored where I am coming from and why I believe in peace, my method of creating peace, my immense love for peace, my difficulties at Cornell, and my PeaceJam/Peace in general attatchment (read: obsession).

If there is perhaps a way I can bring PeaceJam to youth here in Ithaca and incorporate that into my project that would be extraordinary. It works wonders on people- but perhaps I am biased. The one problem I had with the Free The Children conference for youth was it’s lack of diversity. If you go to a PeaceJam conference, you see youth and adult leaders from across the SES, sexual orientation, and ethnic spectrums. In my group I had kids who were uber wealthy and others who were quite poor. I had Black, White, and Hispanic kids. I had children who were brought up in Foster Care and others who were raised by both parents. I had hippies and preps, Republicans and democrats, kids who were illiterate and literate. One of my favorite PeaceJam people is a man named Rudy Balles from Colorado. PeaceJam reached him while he was in a gang. In fact that is the very basis on which PJ was founded on- to help teach at-risk youth about peace. Maybe I am biased (okay- let’s face it, I am incredibly biased) but I think PeaceJam works, and it could also work with the Ithaca youth if I could develop an appropriate means of engaging youth from every realm of being.

Love love,
Cami

Quest for my Color

Being a TA for Collaborative Leadership and focusing on the diversity unit has caused me to think about my own identity especially in terms of race and ethnicity. I feel that many people in my class find me to be a liberal biased brown girl- maybe I am, but reflecting on it, I don’t think I ever was socialized to be that way. I can’t remember the first time I started thinking of myself in terms of being Hispanic. And even today, I still don’t think of myself as being Hispanic.

It took me awhile to pinpoint my beginnings of identification with a group- what I came up with is that I associated first as being a cowgirl and also with the Native American culture, maybe even as being white. I grew up being taken to the Taos Powwow and watching westerns, believing in respecting nature and feeling my feet sink into the earth with beating drumbeats. I grew up in a family of white, Hispanic, and Asian people; people who were poor and wealthy; those with liberal and republican believes; grandparents who were Catholic and others who were Buddhist and Atheist. I don’t think I fully saw myself as Hispanic/Latina until fairly recently. My closest friends in my youth and now are not Hispanic (except for Emily and her family, and Cara and Elizabeth who are half Hispanic). Perhaps it was going to Mexico in the 8th grade that I finally thought of myself as being connected to that culture.

Prior to visiting my family in Mexico, I yearned to learn French and thought of Spanish as a wretched unbeautiful language. After going, however, I wanted to learn Spanish so I could communicate with my family, so I could write to Alejandra and Laila in their language and they could write to me in my language. Speaking of Laila and Alejandra, I wonder how they are doing. I miss receiving letters from them. I miss receiving letters in general. I would look forward each month to getting my letters from Mexico packed with random Mexican brochures and friendship bracelets. *sigh* I should start writing letters again- that would make me an exciting person. Hmm- Minga! project- letters to orphans!!!

I’m also going to admit something right now- I have my biases- we all now that. When I was younger I don’t think I ever had such strong biases, but I think one event in particular made me more wary of older fundamental Christian white people. One time when I was with my family in Crested Butte- my family meaning Grandma, Grampa, Aunt Margaret, Uncle Frank, Francisco, Marisa, my parents and siblings- and we were in a bookstore. All of us, with the exception of my sister and my mother look Hispanic, or at least non-white. We were browsing, looking at the books. I didn’t know anything unusual until I was up at the counter looking at those little 3x2 inch books and the store owner looked at me and said: “your parents just left”. I looked around and my mom was still in the store, my dad and my aunt, however, were outside. I nearly explained that my mom was still in the store, and started doing so and she remarked firmly “you might want to go”. Well, I decided to leave- she obviously assumed that my aunt and father were married. I mean, and this is my bias coming out right now, how could a brown man marry a white woman. That would be impossible right? I left the store nearly in tears. I hadn’t done anything wrong and I was being kicked out. I thought I was overreacting, but then my siblings and cousins came out. My sister and cousing Marisa walked into the store chewing gum and the store owner told Marisa to get rid of her gum. My sister saw this so pretended she didn’t have any. Once they got rid of the gum, they went over to look at books with my brother and cousin Francisico. The store owner went to Francisco, Antonio, and Marisa, didn’t even look at my sister, grabbed the books out of their hands and said, “what are you doing- you can’t look at the books if you’re not going to buy them”. Well, they were all hurt and decided to leave the store. A white woman who was standing nearby when this happened also walked out with them and when they were outside said “you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel bad about looking at books- that’s what a bookstore is for”. After hearing what happened to us, and sort of observing it, my aunt, uncle, and parents as well as the women went in to speak to the store lady and sort out the situation. Well, emotions were raging and eventually people just started leaving the store. I think it was after that that I started realizing that people could treat me differently, and would treat me differently for being brown. Previously I think I associated more with white culture and expected white people to treat me like one of them. Wow, that’s weird, I just had that realization now.

Oh, okay, here’s a different (probably more accurate account of the same story that I wrote about for HE 301 Collaborative Leadership last year):

The second instance of discrimination I can think of right off the bat occurred a few years ago. I was with nine of my family members and I went into a bookstore with all of them. Let me just say that 7 of us, including myself do not look white, we look Hispanic. However, my mother and my little sister are really fair skinned with blue eyes and light hair. Well, we were all browsing and looking at books we might want to buy since we are all major book junkies. My sister was sitting on the floor next to my brother, and two cousins. They were all looking through children’s books when the store owner walked over to them and grabbed the books from everyone’s hands (everyone’s except for my sister’s – who as I’ve said, is white) “You can only look at these books if you’re going to buy them” she said. And then, she walked back to the counter where I was looking at miniature books. “I think you’re mother’s outside” she told me, pointing to my aunt. I didn’t dare contradict her- apparently she assumed my dark-skinned aunt was my mother when my real mother was still in the bookstore looking at books. I fled that bookstore immediately, something my cousins and siblings had already done. We were all in tears. Why did she treat us this way? None of her white customers were treated this way. We spoke among ourselves and eventually the parents who were still inside begin to spill out. They wanted to know what was wrong with us, so we told them. And soon, a white woman who had seen what happened came out and told us that the storekeeper “had no right to treat us that way”. At that point, our parents, and that women who had witnessed our discrimination barged into the store and started telling the lady that what she had done was wrong. As we watched through the store window, we saw the remaining customers slowly pouring out of the store. We told her how we felt, but we never received an apology, just the sympathy of another person who witnessed this injustice and made us feel we had no right to feel as though we were inferior to this ignorant bookstore lady.

If I were to Create a Quiz about Myself...

I’m going to make mself write until 1:45 or 2:00 then I’m going to start studying for my first major exam of the year. I just got out of HE 405, my leadership class and realized there are so man projects that I really want to do. Projects that I can see myself getting a lot more involvd in, but they won’t work for the class because they lack on their assisting the Ithaca community.

I really want to work with Street Children. I would love to learn Kiswahili and Zulu and go to Kenya and South Africa (even though they’re sort of far apart) and just talk to kids, help them, see what kind of programs they would like to see for themselves. Perhaps I could even meet Nelson Mandela and The Archbishop Desmond Tutu- that would be immensely cool.

Then of course there is my ever developing plan to create a peace center in Santa Fe that would be a place for youth to come for tutoring help and programs that would constantly teach and help youth reach out to the local, national, and international communities. I figure I could have my dad design the building. It would have a theatre space, gallery, and classrooms. Workshops on stereotypes, world hunger, civil disobedience, AIDS/HIV etc. etc. would be held. I suppose it would be a Minga! of the west if you will. I wonder if I could start working on that now, creating resources.

I also need to get a hold of Kathy Thorne to see about that opportunity to go to Africa this summer. I also want to see if I can get an internship with PeaceJam in Denver for the summer that way I can be close to home and be with my favorite organization. Speaking of PeaceJam I think they should have won the Peace Prize instead of Al Gore. Oh well, maybe next time.

This weekend I head to a conference at Brandeis in Massachusetts. I feel really sorry for the poor kid who is traveling with me alone now that Martha can’t come. He’s going to know my whole life story and is going to want to never speak to me or hear a word escape my lips again. I need to see if I can find someone else to go to the conference on short notice. That’s probably not going to happen. I have little faith. I’m not as motivated as I was to find people for PeaceJam- which by the way was an amazing trip. Kristin thinks that I should invite Joe the neighbor- for those of you who don’t know by now I have a crush on the guy which is kind of akward since I’m the TA for his lab group. It was really embarrassing because on Friday we were supposed to have a 1-on-1 meeting and we tried arranging that via e-mail, so I got an e-mail from saying that he had tried to send an e-mail earlier but it bounced back. Watching Maria, Full of Grace at the time, I decided to wait until it was done before calling him back to further arrange a time. Bad idea. He decided to come over and knock on the door while I was curling my hair with hot rollers! Never a good thing! So I start pulling them out of my hair an acceptable amount of time and half to go to the door still pulling curlers out of my hair. He found this quite amusing and sort of chuckled and asked if he should come back later- to which I responded- yes.

Oh, also, Anna and Antonio went to their homecoming dance this weekend. Apparently Antonio looked really cool and had checkered pants (why I know not) and a really cool tie. This is all according to the Nunni. Him and his date Camille look really good together and he even talked to my dear little sister at the dance. Upon inquiring what he said to her she replied “Hey Anna” – wow, what a statement. It’s so weird thinking that my siblings are growing up and I’m not there. Even looking at myspace and seeing Brother Gabe and Kyle, and Anna’s friend Tess talking about teenager things shocks me. I remember back when they were in early elementary school. I can’t even imagine how parents must feel. (PS I will include pictures of my sister and Gabi later)

Upon taking Antonia’s Amazing Antonia quiz online (in which I only got an 83% which wouldn’t be a problem except its lower than Stevo’s score) I decided I should make a quiz of my own- not really to display but to see what sorts of random facts I could come up with about myself. Perhaps I shall later post it online. Thus, I shall begin.

The place Camila most wants to go to right now is…
India because Gandhi is from there and after reading that India spread she is dying to go.
South Africa because she read The Power of One.
Brazil because she’s always wanted to swim in the Amazon.
Mongolia because after going to Elko and meeting five incredible Mongolian horsemen she wants to live in a Ger and learn how to throat sing.

1. Camila’s top 2 favorite US cities are:
a. San Francisco and Chicago
b. New York City and Boston
c. Philadelphia and Denver
d. Atlanta and Los Angeles

2. Her superhero name is:
a. Creative Cami
b. Magnificent Momo
c. Incredible Camola
d. Super Mola

3. The first song Camila remembers making herself memorize was
a. Eddy Arnold’s Cattle Call
b. Joan Baez’s Diamonds and Rust
c. Natalie Merchant’s Wonder
d. Jewel’s Foolish Games

4. Her most important stuffed animal Brandon Bear is named after
a. A character from her favorite book
b. Her great grandfather
c. Her favorite person as a baby
d. No one

5. When Camila goes to the Plaza Café, she always orders:
a. The Guatemalan Tamal
b. Enchiladas
c. Mexican Hot Chocolate
d. Horchata

6. When she was little, she wanted to name her little brother:
a. Goofy
b. Billy
c. Freddy
d. Bobby

7. On government/educational surveys, what box does Camila mark for her race/ethnicity?
a. White
b. Hispanic
c. Other: Multiracial
d. Other: Mestiza

8. If she could pick any last name in her family to take it would be:
a. Wagner
b. Villanueva
c. Lefebre
d. Swann

9. Her favorite actors are:
a. Jim Carrey and Val Kilmer
b. Sean Connery and Harrison Ford
c. Leonardo DiCaprio and Denzel Washington
d. Jack Nicholson and Jack Black

10. Camila finds the most attractive male celebrity to be (you should all know this one)
a. Heath Ledger
b. Josh Hartnett
c. Orlando Bloom
d. Johnny Depp

11. What is Camila’s most prized highschool award?
a. Best 12th Grade Religion Award
b. The Golden U-Rock Award
c. Best 11th Grade Speech Award
d. Humanitarian Award

12. The one thing Camila finds worthy of her life’s dedication is:
a. World Peace
b. Environmental Issues
c. Animal Rights
d. Ethics in Politics

Other little known facts about me
1. I went to 9th grade at Capital Highschool because of their CAPA (Capital Academy of the Performing Arts) program. If I stayed there I probably would have gone into theater.
2. I went to middle school at the Santa Fe Girls’ School.
3. I taught myself to speak backwards
4. I thought myself more apart of the “cowboy” culture before I even considered myself part of the Hispanic culture

Perhaps I shall elaborate on some of these things later, especially my 9th grade experience.

Peace & War in a Day and Other Ramblings

Yes, I should be doing work right now, what else is new? It’s Tuesday night and I have a paper and a presentation due on Thursday. However, I’m going to allow myself the liberty of writing for the next hour or hour and a half since I haven’t written on a regular basis for a really long time. I always say I’ll write every day, but that never happens so…I’m making no promises.

Originally, this blog was going to be for Marianne, Sonia, Anna, Emily, and my family to see how I was doing in Toronto, but now it’s changing form once again (please don’t worry about reading previous journal entries- they’re in the past and I don’t remember what embarrassing things I wrote. Anyway, the form is now twofold- 1) I don’t have to write in my purple journal- I can write more in a shorter amount of time and 2) a) I told Z (Zeta) I would and b) I want to have a way for my friends I don’t speak to on a regular basis to know what’s going on in my life (i.e. Will, Ryan, Z, Antonia, Ryan Maye, Emi-loulou). And thus I begin.

Today was a profound day. On one note I was struck with peace and a feeling of the goodness of humanity when I saw His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and later on I felt a sense of pity, of anger, of frusteration, and the feeling that nothing will ever change- hopelessness. Feeling such contrasting emotions on such extremes was…interesting to say the least if any word can cover what I have felt today.


I have been wanting to see/meet the Dalai Lama for 9 years and today was the day I had been waiting for. I first heard about him in 6th grade when I worked as a journalist for the El Dorado newspaper. The woman in charge, Kerry, was a counselour for my school and has changed my life in many subtle ways. Ways which I have not really begin to recognize until this past year when my mom informed me of the change she brought to my life and upon thinking about it- she has. The one story I remember her telling was of how the Dalai Lama didn’t even kill mosquitos when they bit him.

For me, this was unbelievable. Being a ranch girl who would have at least 60 mosquito bites every summer day while living in Colorado, being adamantly anti-mosquito, and filling that they ruined every waking moment that I could spend outside I was bewildered that anyone could suffer being bitten by a mosquito without killing them right back. Well, this had a profound affect on me and I spent the next several summers being bitten and simply brushing them off or using my breath to blow them off my limbs.

(PS Kerry is also the one who introduced me to PeaceJam, entered me into a poetry contest, and presented me with many peace stories that I know today)

Anyway, I got to Barton Hall around 1pm and found Justin already in the lengthy line and nearly walked right past him to get to the end (it wouldn’t be fair to cut in line now would it?) but he convinced me to get in the line with him, so I did. “You’re in luck. I went to CTB to get some food, waited in line for 15 minutes, and decided to stand in the back of the line so I could eat my food. If I didn’t do that, you’d be screwed” he said (or something along those lines). Well, Justin also kept talking about how excited he was to see the Dalai Lama. Hehe- when we went through the metal detectors, the security guard told me that I had held my breath going through, and he called Justin “Big Guy”. I thought that was funny (Fat Pants- hehe).

After getting upstairs, Justin ran off to get prime stadium seating and I went to my seat. I thought I would just be right in front of the bleachers, but apparently I was smart when I got my ticket in May (as soon as they got out) and got seat 1, A, 13. Right in the front row! When the Dalai Lama came out from behind the curtains on my side with his Dalai Lama smile and looking at each one of the audience members and acknowledging them as equals I began to cry. I had the same feeling I did as when I saw the painting of Juan de Pareja at the Met: waiting so long for something to happen and when it does, being hit with it’s truth, being taken aback at the beauty of it all, being astonished that a life goal is being fulfilled.

[ Side Note 1: When I was in Elementary school I read the 1962 Newberry Award Winning Novel I, Juan de Pareja. I LOVED that book!!! It was about the young apprentice of the artist…shit, I can’t remember his name, I’m going to Google search it…Diego Velasquez. My grandparents- Ima and Aba- gave my family art books of museums around the world and I spent a good couple of days after reading the book looking for the portrait of Juan de Pareja. I can’t remember if I found it or not, I believe I did. But going on Spring Break and walking through the Met and unexpectedly running into a painting, as boring and normal as it appears, that I had been waiting to see and had been such a pertinent part of my youth drowned me in tears and forced me to sit down for a lengthy time just staring at the yellow background and staring into the face of a man who fascinated me)

The Dalai Lama got up to the stage, sat down, and while President Skortan was speaking, he begin unlacing his shoes and took them off before sitting cross-legged on his cushiony chair (it reminded me of my floraly one at home). He reminds me SO much of Yoda- I feel like that perhaps might be insulting but Yoda’s awesome, and the Dalai Lama has a sense of humour, so I’m sure it’s fine. He’s just like I thought he would be- sort of down-to-earth and funny all at once. But, I guess I can credit that to being forwarned by Betty Williams of his cracking jokes. She once told him that they should get married and he told her that she was too old. He talked about inner peace, how everything has the right to grow, how the British are really straight laced (he demonstrated this by sitting up really straight and placing his hands on his knees and acting really proper).

By the way, the Dalai Lama has the best laugh in the world. It’s deep, cackly and spills out from the depth of his body from his widened mouth. He also started talking about nails and claws, and spoke of how he knew some women who grew their nails really long and he started talking about teeth- I can’t really say I remember/know where that discussion came from. Other interesting things he mentioned are as follows:

1. “Everybody really loves Peace”
2. People need to solve problems without losing basic human values
3. Love, Compassion, Forgiveness, Tolerance, Taking Care of Others, and Contentment are positive values.
4. He chuckled when answering a question about how youth should deal with today’s problems and said at the end that they could always just drink them away. He lifted his right arm in the air like he was holding a bottle and laughed at this statement before saying that this- drugs, alcohol, and external sources of…peace/consolation/comfort that are materials are foolish, and used to avoid the true issues at hand.
5. Everyone is compassionate by nature.
6. He sometimes has more confidence in the younger population
7. Formality creates more barriers- he prefers to not be so formal: birth and death, 2 of the most important moments of life, do not have formality.
8. Developing nations need to be provided with education and full confidence
9. Genuine peace must come through inner peace
10. People need to use a holistic approach to problem solving.
11. He also mentioned that in Buddhism (I think this is what he was saying) people don’t come from the sky, they sometimes come from the lotus. “I prefer to come from mother” he said and said that it shows affection and the true human spirit.

I love the Dalai Lama and am so glad I got to see him. And Amanda got to talk to him and be blessed by him- That’s so exciting!!! I wish I had been able to see Mother Teresa in real life.

(Side Note 2: ahh- there are fireworks going off outside now, I feel like one of them’s going to come through my window and hit me. It’s really nerve-racking)

I was also thinking that Cornell has had some really incredible speakers this year- Craig Kielburger and H.H. the Dalai Lama. I also started thinking about Peace Jam and how if I go to Costa Rica next September I’ll get to see him again. Since I’m not working now, I might ask for a plane ticket for Christmas from my parents. I also e-mailed Barry from PeaceJam tonight and asked him if I could help out with the PeaceJam Slam on November 3rd- He said yes, so I’m going to go stay with Katie Bonci in Chicopee (Will’s facilitating partner) and I’m going down in the spring to facilitate again. I was also thinking that I wish Nate could have seen H.H. and that if the Dalai Lama came to Santa Fe, a good chunk of the town would be there.

(Side Note 3: speaking of Santa Fe, my brother was saying that he saw Stephen Marley last night and that all of Santa Fe’s dreadlocked population was there, and that is quite a lot. Speaking of dreads, I might get some too. In Toronto, there was this girl who had the coolest dyed pink dreads- she looked so cool. I obviously would not die my hair)

Well. I need to head to bed now so I can get up early and do my blasted school work- ugh- I am the best procrastinator ever. I often hate myself for it-psh. I will continue this blog later.

October 9, 2007 continued…

Oh, one thing I forgot about the Bridging Worlds speech that was the woman sitting to my right pointed out that all the monks had varying footwear and socks. One was wearing sandals, a few were wearing leather shoes, and one was wearing hiking boots. One of the monks had bright red socks and a lot of them were wearing maroon socks. Needless to say, the woman told the photographer that he needed to take a picture of their feet, so he took a few pictures.

Anyway, moving forward…I am so spastically moody. I am bipolar on a minute to minute basis. 15 minutes ago I was really pissed off and frusterated and ready to cry and now I’m sort of happy because I read this quiz that Antonia made and it made me smile due to it’s superhero “subtleties”- yes, I of course am a superhero too.

So, last night, after the Dalai Lama, I went back to the house to prepare some sort of statement/speech to give at the School Board meeting- that didn’t go well- my speech that is. I’m not allowing myself to wing anything anymore. Thus, I am not going to talk about it anymore except to say that in my head I knew what I was going to say and I had a great outline about the lack of school connectedness affecting the well-being of children but… well, that just failed miserably- with the exception of fainting, my worst fears came true- I was redundant, and stuttery.

Other than that, the meeting was incredibly intense and REALLY PISSED ME OFF!!! Elizabeth and I were teary-eyed a good few times. Well, for those of you who don’t know what exactly I’m talking about and why I was at a school-board meeting- I suppose I should provide a brief background. For my junior/senior project towards my honors certificate in leadership, I’m looking at diversity and racial tensions in the Ithaca High School. I did not really know much about it, so I e-mailed Joyce Muchan from the Human Rights Commission office and she invited me to a Press Conference in regards to the Epiphany Kearney case. Epiphany Kearney is a young girl who went to Dewitt Middle School and during the 2005-2006 school year she was hit, spit on, and threatened twice with a gun, called the “N-word”. The mother, Amelia Kearney went to the School Board and tried to find support, but none was provided for her. The most the boys got was four-days detention. So Kearney took the case to the Human Rights Commission and they determined that it was a racially instigated crime. So at the press conference, I finally heard about the issue that was occurring. I heard a mother whose son had a death threat on him and was beaten with his two other black friends by about 20 white boys. This was several years ago and the school board promised that nothing like this would ever happen again. But it has.

So last Monday I went to a rally, Judith Pastel, the superindent finally agreed to talk to the crowd and turned her back on a student who was raising her concerns about how she was unfairly treated in suspension rates. That Monday I also went to an immediate action meeting where I stupidly volunteered to speak for the school board meeting- I don’t know why I did that. The suspension rates between white and black students is unnerving. For getting into the same fight, a black student will get 45 days of detention while a white student will get 3 days. 45 days, technically, as it says in the handbook isn’t even allowed. One kid, Jesse, was saying that he got 3 days in school suspension for trying to come to the rally. Another kid was suspended for actually coming to the rally.

But back to the actual thing last night. People from all walks of life are involved in this issue from government officials (i.e. the ex-mayor), teachers, IHS students, IC and Cornell Students (it’s funny- the Cornell students who go are pretty much all minorities while the IC students are all white with a few exceptions), community members, old people, young people, and middle aged people. It’s beautiful.

One young boy spoke about how he had family members who were incarcerated and how he was suspended for asking one of his teachers why they didn’t do anything for Black History month. He also said “Another thing I don’t understand is why you put us all in Special Ed classes. We’re not dumb.”

One mother spoke about how she has a black son and a white daughter and they are treated so differently. She’s white and she says that it’s so difficult to get the white community to see what she experiences. She said “I have lived in inner cities, but I have never felt fear like I have in Ithaca. You don’t know what fear is until you see someone look at your 3-year-old son looking like they want him dead”. That’s when Elizabeth and I really cried. She, in my opinion was the most moving speaker. The Grady sisters of the St. Patrick’s 12 also spoke. Clare Grady amuses my greatly.

Another interesting thing to note was the lack of diversity on the school board. There are 9 white members and 1 black member. The IHS student representatives were 2 white youth and an Asian youth- they looked so bored and had nothing to say. When the school board had their opportunity to speak, they discussed the issue for awhile but their were a bunch of legality issues involved which I don’t really understand. Anyway, 3 members wanted to motion to withdraw certain rules so that they could indeed try to do something about the Kearney case, but 5 members had to vote in favor of this. One of the 3 people to vote was this really grumpy looking man who I thought looked really pissed off when everyone was speaking- looks like he was a good guy all along. Well, legality legality legality… then they decided to take a 5 minute recess. They came back and said, now in regards to the budget, yada yada yada without even addressing the issue that was being raised. They didn’t even have the decency to inform us of what they had decided during the recess.

At this point everyone in the audience started standing up and yelling and saying the issue need to be addressed. They said the issue would be raised again on the 23rd when they’re having another school board meeting. Well, pushing things to the back burners is always what administrators do. It makes me livid!!! UGH! By placing legality over humanity is just what the Nazi’s did, they took orders from the powers on high and killed all the people who didn’t fit in. The meeting started getting really out of hand. Kids jumped on stage, some of the students were really rowdy and almost promoting the image that the school board already seems to have of minority youth, Clare Grady was kneeling and praying, adults were shouting and chanting, and I was worried that something was going to happen, like physical violence, or cops being called in and getting arrested (although if I do for a good issue I have my mom’s blessing) There’s a meeting tonight as well, but I’m unable to go because I have to teach dance- dang nabbit. Elizabeth might go, so I need to get a hold of Troy and see if he’ll go with her. Oh, and then the school board motioned to ajourn the meeting and they all left and everyone was enraged. Kristin came to pick us up and we went home.

By the way- I feel sorry for anyone who might get married to me. They’re going to have to deal with me, my rapid mood changes, and my viewpoints. I was actually thinking about all that annoying stuff this morning on my way to my TA meeting. I’ve never been one of those people who knows deep down, or yearns within to get married. I have always known, however, that I want children- so I’m going to have them at some point. Then I started thinking about how I would want to raise my children. I decided that my daughters are getting their ears pierced immediately, and that I want to adopt children and also have at least one of my own. I want a diverse family- but decided that if I’m a single mom I can’t have my “one child from every continent” like I had previously wanted, I decided that 2 would be best- maybe 4. I want black children, and Hispanic children, and Asian children, etc. And if I have a black son Z, no I’m not naming him Langston and now I’m not going to be an abusive parent. I prefer the names Zane, Zeke, Zach (Z names (and J names) for boys are good) Santiago, Isabella Magdalena, and Iliana Sofia. I’m also going to have lots of books from around the world to read to them and they’re going to grow up bilingual or trilingual somehow.

Oh, another thing- I finally watched the movie I was named after. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Although it is slightly tragic that I was named after a real-life figure with such a depressing story. I was named after Camila O’Gorman, an Argentinian lady of Irish ancestry who fell in love with a priest, they ran off together, they were caught and sentenced to death for committing such a sacriligeous act, she was pregnant and her and the priest were killed by death squad. She was 20 years old. Now Justin is convinced that I’m going to be dying soon.

I really wish right now that I could just camp in the mountains for a few days- that would calm me down. I require the mountains.