Peace & War in a Day and Other Ramblings

Yes, I should be doing work right now, what else is new? It’s Tuesday night and I have a paper and a presentation due on Thursday. However, I’m going to allow myself the liberty of writing for the next hour or hour and a half since I haven’t written on a regular basis for a really long time. I always say I’ll write every day, but that never happens so…I’m making no promises.

Originally, this blog was going to be for Marianne, Sonia, Anna, Emily, and my family to see how I was doing in Toronto, but now it’s changing form once again (please don’t worry about reading previous journal entries- they’re in the past and I don’t remember what embarrassing things I wrote. Anyway, the form is now twofold- 1) I don’t have to write in my purple journal- I can write more in a shorter amount of time and 2) a) I told Z (Zeta) I would and b) I want to have a way for my friends I don’t speak to on a regular basis to know what’s going on in my life (i.e. Will, Ryan, Z, Antonia, Ryan Maye, Emi-loulou). And thus I begin.

Today was a profound day. On one note I was struck with peace and a feeling of the goodness of humanity when I saw His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and later on I felt a sense of pity, of anger, of frusteration, and the feeling that nothing will ever change- hopelessness. Feeling such contrasting emotions on such extremes was…interesting to say the least if any word can cover what I have felt today.


I have been wanting to see/meet the Dalai Lama for 9 years and today was the day I had been waiting for. I first heard about him in 6th grade when I worked as a journalist for the El Dorado newspaper. The woman in charge, Kerry, was a counselour for my school and has changed my life in many subtle ways. Ways which I have not really begin to recognize until this past year when my mom informed me of the change she brought to my life and upon thinking about it- she has. The one story I remember her telling was of how the Dalai Lama didn’t even kill mosquitos when they bit him.

For me, this was unbelievable. Being a ranch girl who would have at least 60 mosquito bites every summer day while living in Colorado, being adamantly anti-mosquito, and filling that they ruined every waking moment that I could spend outside I was bewildered that anyone could suffer being bitten by a mosquito without killing them right back. Well, this had a profound affect on me and I spent the next several summers being bitten and simply brushing them off or using my breath to blow them off my limbs.

(PS Kerry is also the one who introduced me to PeaceJam, entered me into a poetry contest, and presented me with many peace stories that I know today)

Anyway, I got to Barton Hall around 1pm and found Justin already in the lengthy line and nearly walked right past him to get to the end (it wouldn’t be fair to cut in line now would it?) but he convinced me to get in the line with him, so I did. “You’re in luck. I went to CTB to get some food, waited in line for 15 minutes, and decided to stand in the back of the line so I could eat my food. If I didn’t do that, you’d be screwed” he said (or something along those lines). Well, Justin also kept talking about how excited he was to see the Dalai Lama. Hehe- when we went through the metal detectors, the security guard told me that I had held my breath going through, and he called Justin “Big Guy”. I thought that was funny (Fat Pants- hehe).

After getting upstairs, Justin ran off to get prime stadium seating and I went to my seat. I thought I would just be right in front of the bleachers, but apparently I was smart when I got my ticket in May (as soon as they got out) and got seat 1, A, 13. Right in the front row! When the Dalai Lama came out from behind the curtains on my side with his Dalai Lama smile and looking at each one of the audience members and acknowledging them as equals I began to cry. I had the same feeling I did as when I saw the painting of Juan de Pareja at the Met: waiting so long for something to happen and when it does, being hit with it’s truth, being taken aback at the beauty of it all, being astonished that a life goal is being fulfilled.

[ Side Note 1: When I was in Elementary school I read the 1962 Newberry Award Winning Novel I, Juan de Pareja. I LOVED that book!!! It was about the young apprentice of the artist…shit, I can’t remember his name, I’m going to Google search it…Diego Velasquez. My grandparents- Ima and Aba- gave my family art books of museums around the world and I spent a good couple of days after reading the book looking for the portrait of Juan de Pareja. I can’t remember if I found it or not, I believe I did. But going on Spring Break and walking through the Met and unexpectedly running into a painting, as boring and normal as it appears, that I had been waiting to see and had been such a pertinent part of my youth drowned me in tears and forced me to sit down for a lengthy time just staring at the yellow background and staring into the face of a man who fascinated me)

The Dalai Lama got up to the stage, sat down, and while President Skortan was speaking, he begin unlacing his shoes and took them off before sitting cross-legged on his cushiony chair (it reminded me of my floraly one at home). He reminds me SO much of Yoda- I feel like that perhaps might be insulting but Yoda’s awesome, and the Dalai Lama has a sense of humour, so I’m sure it’s fine. He’s just like I thought he would be- sort of down-to-earth and funny all at once. But, I guess I can credit that to being forwarned by Betty Williams of his cracking jokes. She once told him that they should get married and he told her that she was too old. He talked about inner peace, how everything has the right to grow, how the British are really straight laced (he demonstrated this by sitting up really straight and placing his hands on his knees and acting really proper).

By the way, the Dalai Lama has the best laugh in the world. It’s deep, cackly and spills out from the depth of his body from his widened mouth. He also started talking about nails and claws, and spoke of how he knew some women who grew their nails really long and he started talking about teeth- I can’t really say I remember/know where that discussion came from. Other interesting things he mentioned are as follows:

1. “Everybody really loves Peace”
2. People need to solve problems without losing basic human values
3. Love, Compassion, Forgiveness, Tolerance, Taking Care of Others, and Contentment are positive values.
4. He chuckled when answering a question about how youth should deal with today’s problems and said at the end that they could always just drink them away. He lifted his right arm in the air like he was holding a bottle and laughed at this statement before saying that this- drugs, alcohol, and external sources of…peace/consolation/comfort that are materials are foolish, and used to avoid the true issues at hand.
5. Everyone is compassionate by nature.
6. He sometimes has more confidence in the younger population
7. Formality creates more barriers- he prefers to not be so formal: birth and death, 2 of the most important moments of life, do not have formality.
8. Developing nations need to be provided with education and full confidence
9. Genuine peace must come through inner peace
10. People need to use a holistic approach to problem solving.
11. He also mentioned that in Buddhism (I think this is what he was saying) people don’t come from the sky, they sometimes come from the lotus. “I prefer to come from mother” he said and said that it shows affection and the true human spirit.

I love the Dalai Lama and am so glad I got to see him. And Amanda got to talk to him and be blessed by him- That’s so exciting!!! I wish I had been able to see Mother Teresa in real life.

(Side Note 2: ahh- there are fireworks going off outside now, I feel like one of them’s going to come through my window and hit me. It’s really nerve-racking)

I was also thinking that Cornell has had some really incredible speakers this year- Craig Kielburger and H.H. the Dalai Lama. I also started thinking about Peace Jam and how if I go to Costa Rica next September I’ll get to see him again. Since I’m not working now, I might ask for a plane ticket for Christmas from my parents. I also e-mailed Barry from PeaceJam tonight and asked him if I could help out with the PeaceJam Slam on November 3rd- He said yes, so I’m going to go stay with Katie Bonci in Chicopee (Will’s facilitating partner) and I’m going down in the spring to facilitate again. I was also thinking that I wish Nate could have seen H.H. and that if the Dalai Lama came to Santa Fe, a good chunk of the town would be there.

(Side Note 3: speaking of Santa Fe, my brother was saying that he saw Stephen Marley last night and that all of Santa Fe’s dreadlocked population was there, and that is quite a lot. Speaking of dreads, I might get some too. In Toronto, there was this girl who had the coolest dyed pink dreads- she looked so cool. I obviously would not die my hair)

Well. I need to head to bed now so I can get up early and do my blasted school work- ugh- I am the best procrastinator ever. I often hate myself for it-psh. I will continue this blog later.

October 9, 2007 continued…

Oh, one thing I forgot about the Bridging Worlds speech that was the woman sitting to my right pointed out that all the monks had varying footwear and socks. One was wearing sandals, a few were wearing leather shoes, and one was wearing hiking boots. One of the monks had bright red socks and a lot of them were wearing maroon socks. Needless to say, the woman told the photographer that he needed to take a picture of their feet, so he took a few pictures.

Anyway, moving forward…I am so spastically moody. I am bipolar on a minute to minute basis. 15 minutes ago I was really pissed off and frusterated and ready to cry and now I’m sort of happy because I read this quiz that Antonia made and it made me smile due to it’s superhero “subtleties”- yes, I of course am a superhero too.

So, last night, after the Dalai Lama, I went back to the house to prepare some sort of statement/speech to give at the School Board meeting- that didn’t go well- my speech that is. I’m not allowing myself to wing anything anymore. Thus, I am not going to talk about it anymore except to say that in my head I knew what I was going to say and I had a great outline about the lack of school connectedness affecting the well-being of children but… well, that just failed miserably- with the exception of fainting, my worst fears came true- I was redundant, and stuttery.

Other than that, the meeting was incredibly intense and REALLY PISSED ME OFF!!! Elizabeth and I were teary-eyed a good few times. Well, for those of you who don’t know what exactly I’m talking about and why I was at a school-board meeting- I suppose I should provide a brief background. For my junior/senior project towards my honors certificate in leadership, I’m looking at diversity and racial tensions in the Ithaca High School. I did not really know much about it, so I e-mailed Joyce Muchan from the Human Rights Commission office and she invited me to a Press Conference in regards to the Epiphany Kearney case. Epiphany Kearney is a young girl who went to Dewitt Middle School and during the 2005-2006 school year she was hit, spit on, and threatened twice with a gun, called the “N-word”. The mother, Amelia Kearney went to the School Board and tried to find support, but none was provided for her. The most the boys got was four-days detention. So Kearney took the case to the Human Rights Commission and they determined that it was a racially instigated crime. So at the press conference, I finally heard about the issue that was occurring. I heard a mother whose son had a death threat on him and was beaten with his two other black friends by about 20 white boys. This was several years ago and the school board promised that nothing like this would ever happen again. But it has.

So last Monday I went to a rally, Judith Pastel, the superindent finally agreed to talk to the crowd and turned her back on a student who was raising her concerns about how she was unfairly treated in suspension rates. That Monday I also went to an immediate action meeting where I stupidly volunteered to speak for the school board meeting- I don’t know why I did that. The suspension rates between white and black students is unnerving. For getting into the same fight, a black student will get 45 days of detention while a white student will get 3 days. 45 days, technically, as it says in the handbook isn’t even allowed. One kid, Jesse, was saying that he got 3 days in school suspension for trying to come to the rally. Another kid was suspended for actually coming to the rally.

But back to the actual thing last night. People from all walks of life are involved in this issue from government officials (i.e. the ex-mayor), teachers, IHS students, IC and Cornell Students (it’s funny- the Cornell students who go are pretty much all minorities while the IC students are all white with a few exceptions), community members, old people, young people, and middle aged people. It’s beautiful.

One young boy spoke about how he had family members who were incarcerated and how he was suspended for asking one of his teachers why they didn’t do anything for Black History month. He also said “Another thing I don’t understand is why you put us all in Special Ed classes. We’re not dumb.”

One mother spoke about how she has a black son and a white daughter and they are treated so differently. She’s white and she says that it’s so difficult to get the white community to see what she experiences. She said “I have lived in inner cities, but I have never felt fear like I have in Ithaca. You don’t know what fear is until you see someone look at your 3-year-old son looking like they want him dead”. That’s when Elizabeth and I really cried. She, in my opinion was the most moving speaker. The Grady sisters of the St. Patrick’s 12 also spoke. Clare Grady amuses my greatly.

Another interesting thing to note was the lack of diversity on the school board. There are 9 white members and 1 black member. The IHS student representatives were 2 white youth and an Asian youth- they looked so bored and had nothing to say. When the school board had their opportunity to speak, they discussed the issue for awhile but their were a bunch of legality issues involved which I don’t really understand. Anyway, 3 members wanted to motion to withdraw certain rules so that they could indeed try to do something about the Kearney case, but 5 members had to vote in favor of this. One of the 3 people to vote was this really grumpy looking man who I thought looked really pissed off when everyone was speaking- looks like he was a good guy all along. Well, legality legality legality… then they decided to take a 5 minute recess. They came back and said, now in regards to the budget, yada yada yada without even addressing the issue that was being raised. They didn’t even have the decency to inform us of what they had decided during the recess.

At this point everyone in the audience started standing up and yelling and saying the issue need to be addressed. They said the issue would be raised again on the 23rd when they’re having another school board meeting. Well, pushing things to the back burners is always what administrators do. It makes me livid!!! UGH! By placing legality over humanity is just what the Nazi’s did, they took orders from the powers on high and killed all the people who didn’t fit in. The meeting started getting really out of hand. Kids jumped on stage, some of the students were really rowdy and almost promoting the image that the school board already seems to have of minority youth, Clare Grady was kneeling and praying, adults were shouting and chanting, and I was worried that something was going to happen, like physical violence, or cops being called in and getting arrested (although if I do for a good issue I have my mom’s blessing) There’s a meeting tonight as well, but I’m unable to go because I have to teach dance- dang nabbit. Elizabeth might go, so I need to get a hold of Troy and see if he’ll go with her. Oh, and then the school board motioned to ajourn the meeting and they all left and everyone was enraged. Kristin came to pick us up and we went home.

By the way- I feel sorry for anyone who might get married to me. They’re going to have to deal with me, my rapid mood changes, and my viewpoints. I was actually thinking about all that annoying stuff this morning on my way to my TA meeting. I’ve never been one of those people who knows deep down, or yearns within to get married. I have always known, however, that I want children- so I’m going to have them at some point. Then I started thinking about how I would want to raise my children. I decided that my daughters are getting their ears pierced immediately, and that I want to adopt children and also have at least one of my own. I want a diverse family- but decided that if I’m a single mom I can’t have my “one child from every continent” like I had previously wanted, I decided that 2 would be best- maybe 4. I want black children, and Hispanic children, and Asian children, etc. And if I have a black son Z, no I’m not naming him Langston and now I’m not going to be an abusive parent. I prefer the names Zane, Zeke, Zach (Z names (and J names) for boys are good) Santiago, Isabella Magdalena, and Iliana Sofia. I’m also going to have lots of books from around the world to read to them and they’re going to grow up bilingual or trilingual somehow.

Oh, another thing- I finally watched the movie I was named after. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Although it is slightly tragic that I was named after a real-life figure with such a depressing story. I was named after Camila O’Gorman, an Argentinian lady of Irish ancestry who fell in love with a priest, they ran off together, they were caught and sentenced to death for committing such a sacriligeous act, she was pregnant and her and the priest were killed by death squad. She was 20 years old. Now Justin is convinced that I’m going to be dying soon.

I really wish right now that I could just camp in the mountains for a few days- that would calm me down. I require the mountains.