My Dad’s Perpetual Pursuit to Set Me Up with Random Blokes

For some reason my dad has a bit of an obsession with setting me up with people. I find this peculiar because back in middle school and early high school my dad was the precise reason I didn’t date. He was that scary father who would likely threaten dudes with their male parts if they even looked at me. That being said, dating, in my mind, was out of the question until I left home. That is until my dad started having these brilliant ideas that I should be dating and took it upon himself to find me a suitable lad.

Hockey Boy

The first time this happened was my senior year in High School.  A junior hockey team, The Roadrunners, had just come to Santa Fe and a large group of the young men worked in my mom’s school. I would like to say that this one was likely a joint effort on my parents’ part. My mom knew Hockey Boy first and we started talking on the phone every now and then, we went to dinner once with a large group of people, and of course I fell in love with hockey (yes, I really do enjoy watching hockey, which for a non-sports-fanatic like me is saying something) and went to watch his games. Then…. It happened, and thank goodness I wasn’t there. My dad and Hockey Boy were in my mom’s class helping out and he turns to Hockey Boy casually saying (though casual for my dad never turns out being casual), “So, you wanna take my daughter to prom?” That was episode one.

Irish-Dancer

Then there was the Irish Dancer. That being said, I should probably mention that back in middle school and high school I used to take Irish dance and was pretty good if I do say so myself. As such, a couple of my dad’s friends were always trying to get me to go to Ireland with them for a music festival that they went to annually (oh trust me, I wanted to). My dad ended up going with them when I was in College and him and his friends met Irish Dancer.

“Camila, there’s this really nice guy that I want you to meet when we go to Ireland. He’s also really good at Irish dancing. You should see him dance.”

So my siblings and I go with my dad to this awesome music festival in Ireland the spring of my Junior year in College. We enter the café where Irish-Dancer works and he introduces us.

“Irish-Dancer, I’d like to introduce you to my daughter Camila, she does Irish dance too. She’s really good. Oh and this is my son Antonio and my other daughter Anna.”

Well shit, way to make things super awkward Dad.

Cowboy C

Haha. See, this is the issue. My dad has pretty good taste and the people he always wants me to date are attractive. Not that that’s a problem. It just means I get even more embarrassed when my dad pulls out comments that equate to “my daughter is available, act now!” in my presence and my pride tells me to avoid the situation.

Here’s the most recent incident. Back in May I went home for my dad’s 50^th Birthday bash, which he celebrated a couple of month’s early, because it was a special date according to the Mayan calendar and some fortune teller or something like that. Trust me, this sort of logic is pervasive in my family. Anyhow, he invited a ton of his cowboy friends to join us in the celebration on the ranch. The two of us are busy straightening up the bunkhouse the morning before the big day when he says to me,

“Camila, one of my friend’s is coming who I want you to meet. He’s a young cowboy and he’s really nice. I think you’ll like him.”

“Dad, are you trying to set me up?”

“…maybe…” my dad says smiling.

A little later, a truck pulls up and it’s Cowboy C, who I’ve had a bit of a crush on for years, but hell no, I ain’t letting on. Of course, I also know that whatever’s going to happen next is going to be awkward… and of course the awkwardness unfolds.

“Cowboy C, I’d like you to meet my daughter Camila. She’s going to inherit the whole ranch someday.” He says grinning like a toddler with a two-scoop ice cream cone with sprinkles and chocolate sauce.

WTF. Excuse me. Are you showing off a dowry? Also, I’m only inheriting 1/3 of the ranch, the rest belongs to Antonio and Anna. Oh goodness.

“Hi Cowboy C, how are you doing?” I ask, my face getting that splotchy pinkish reddish embarrassed color.

“I’m doing great, thank you” he responds.

“Excellent” I say and thankfully, my brother Antonio walks up at that exact moment and I turn to him mortified and say “Antonio, let’s go feed the chickens” then turn back to Dad and Cowboy C and say “It was nice to meet you again, we’re going to go feed the chickens now. We’ll see you later.”

There it is, my dad’s attempts to set me up with random blokes… a perpetual and amusing effort that has yet to succeed.